I don't know why but I've always had a difficult time opening up to others. I'm an introvert and I'm very closed off unless I know you exceedingly well. And even then I can easily be closed off.
It is an issue that I'm working on changing, but it's taking time. More time than I would have thought but it does feel good to have friends again. It feels healthy.
Without going into details, I ask for prayers from all of my family and friends out there (or anyone who happens across my blog). Life gets complicated and rough. You make poor choices and realize the idiocy of your actions only as you see their full ramifications. It is humbling as the storm tears you down to your roots.
But the light in the darkness is that you're able to build yourself back up again and get rid of all the crap that has accumulated in your life that has masquerades as important and necessary. That is what I'm attempting to do at the moment.
It is a daily struggle. I find myself crying out the Lord daily, asking Him to make everything better. The way that it should be. But He doesn't. It's a growing experience for me. I like to think that I've done all the growing and changing that I need to and things will be put right tomorrow, but I know that's not true. I don't know how much more there is--I hope I'm nearing the end of this but I cannot be sure. All I know is that I cannot keep living the way that I have. Change is inevitable and necessary. I grudgingly embrace the change and pain that precedes it in hope that everything will be better than ever before in the end. Lord please let that end come soon!
I ask, I beg, and I beseech all of you who are reading this to keep me lifted up in your prayers. There is so much going on and I apologize for the vagueness of it all, but please pray for the God of Heaven to grab and heal everything.
I thank you all for taking the time to read this and for keeping me in your prayers.